Day 42

4.90 miles.

It twas buggy. A little variation on my new route.

Day 41!!!

Just a quick 2 miles. We have had severe weather all night and weekend Vanessa has become sleeps all day Vanessa…so I missed running in the afternoon heat bc I was sleeping…and shopping at target…le sigh.

This week wasn’t really about the numbers for me. I really didn’t care about my time and for half of my runs I didn’t even track them.

Its been a week since everything happened. I have had a week to process and think and calm down and while I feel more at peace with the situation…I am no where near ready to talk with my mom. I feel like it should be a talk in person bc what I have to say and what I want to get across…is a lot.

I’m still not sure about running the half in a couple of weeks. I’m not sure how I feel being around my sister. I feel just as used and manipulated by her…I just don’t know. I don’t feel like being around her or her friends who all stand up for her and think she is amazing…which you know…is great that you surround yourself with those people…I just feel like I’m entering enemy territory (not that I think ofy sister as my enemy) and I am on a solo mission. She would have her friends to back her up and I would have no one.

4 miles.

New route. New challenge. The worst part is getting to this route means running on a main street with lots of traffic and stop lights. But the new route is so pretty its worth it.

I’m drenched in sweat.

2 morning miles.

Now all I want to do is go back to bed. Waking up at 4:30/4:45 is kicking my bootay!

I’m 39 days into my challenge and I have clocked 113.3 miles!

E and I explored a new lark today. There is a couple mile trail near it that we ran then walked bc my shoulder flared up and then we did our park workout. There were lots of kids so that was annoying.

I’m taking a half day tomorrow and I’m SO EXCITED! Just taking a half day to me and myself and no one else to just…be!

I’m also going to take a second to brag. Even with everything going on with my family stuff…I have been very positive and happy this week. I think I’m displaying some signs of growth here.

2 miles of doing whatever I felt like. I sprinted. I walked. I ran. I jogged. I jumped. I didn’t care. I was outside. I was listening to good tunage. I just didn’t care about anything else.

4 miles plus some quality time with my favorite boy in my favorite place.

Day 35
2.75 miles

Tonight’s run wasn’t about the miles. It wasn’t about PR-ing. It wasn’t about anything more than me showing me that I can only do and control me and what I do. It was about seeing beauty and positive things in my life even when all I want to do is wallow in sadness.

Tonight’s run wasn’t me competing against anyone. It was just about me. Deciding to be happy in the face of overwhelming pain.

Drinking last night was a big mistake. My muscles are so fatigued. Today was supposed to be a 9 miler…I got 4 in. And it was painful.

Mistake. Big time.

2 morning miles completed!

Day 31 2 miles

I was super productive at work today (and yesterday)

I had an AMAZING without with das boy

I mixed in some dark chocolate chips into my oatmeal (spoiler alert: its FANTASTIC!)

I’m feeling more like the Vanessa that I know and love.

2 miles.

Day 29

4 miles, mostly running some walking to nurse a knee and bc I couldn’t move. Ran to E’s then ran to the park then did an insane workout where I bitched and moaned the entire time (which was annoying to him and quite honestly me. Idk what my deal is). Then we walked back to his place then he gave me a ride home bc my legs…my legs…

Set out to do 5 miles today even though my knee was bothering me…made it about a mile and a half before I had to call it. I was in too much pain and I couldn’t push through. Luckily E lives close by so I gimped over and he iced and adviled me.

Day something…20 something I think 27 but I forget…

AHHHHH SUB 8:30 AVG PACE!!!!

Also, closing the week at 24 miles!